Kate Upton retires, high school football game rocked by what some

You have to hand it to the person still holding an iPhone 8. While the world is losing its mind over Sydney Sweeney’s undergarment tribute to Scooter Braun, of all people, this loyal Apple customer looked at the upgrade treadmill and said, “No thanks.” That’s the most subversive thing happening in pop culture this week. It’s also the most American. The pressure to replace what works is the culture telling you to keep up. And no marketing campaign changes that.

Speaking of rebrands, the Hooters debate is a perfect example of a company embarrassed by its own concept. Suddenly the shorts are a problem? That brand made a decades-old choice and now wants to soften the image because the loudest voices online demand it. Meanwhile, Kate Upton steps away from the spotlight on her own terms, married to a future Hall of Famer, and she doesn’t owe anyone a think piece. Good for her. That’s how you leave the party.

And then there’s the high school football game that got rocked by … what exactly? The story never quite says. That’s the thing about this media moment. It takes a random Saturday and fills it with lingerie gossip and manufactured outrage, while real life stays in the stands. A dad in the bleachers with a seven-year-old phone is somehow the sane one. The culture is talking past us. We’d rather watch the game.